ER Etiquette

So I learned tonight that ER is in its last season (this cheese has been over-ripe for a LONG time). But it got me thinking about all those Thursday nights in college where the world stopped so we could catch the lastest drama on who's sleeping with whom in the midst of saving lives (cue dramatic music and heart monitor beeps). And I wondered if my job had enough material to be a weekely soap opera. Turns out, the answer is a resounding...no. The ER's too dirty a place to kindle a romantic hook-up.

However, sometimes people do things in the ER that makes my jaw drop. So here's some basic ER etiquette for all you potential patients out there.

1) Don't come into my ER complaining of abd pain with nausea/vomiting and the first thing you ask for is food. If you can eat, you don't need to be here.

2) If you think you might be pregnant, take a pregnancy test at home. No need to get us in the middle of it. And no, we can't tell you the very day and hour of conception so you're going to have to invest in a paternity test in 9 months.

3) If you haven't been making poopy, please try to get things moving at home (google it people).

4) Please, please, please write down your meds. We don't know which med is in your little pink pill you take every morning. They can't all be as well known as the little blue pill you take every weekend (wink).

5) If you're going to get drunk, please do it from the safety of your own home. And if you're passing out in front of liquor stores, it may be a sign from God that it's time to pull an Amy Winehouse and go to rehab.

6) Finally, if your doctors are looking at you like this, it's probably because you've done something really embarrasing and all the hospital staff wants to get a look (I think half these guys are from housekeeping).

Utah Cookies

I finally raided the Kay Family Cookbook for an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie recipe. And let me tell you, it was delicious! What's the difference between a regular cookie and a Utah cookie? The secret is shortening. I'm going to learn to cook yet!

Oh Daniel Craig...

While Joy was in the hospital, I snuck out to watch the new James Bond movie. And it was awesome. I'm glad they've dropped the skeezy sex scenes with the bimbos/nuclear scientists (I'm wagging the finger of shame at you Denise Richards) and the double entrendres coming faster than speeding bullets.

Daniel Craig suggested that it's time for a black Bond (after Obama was elected president), and that Prince Harry would make a good Bond. I can see it. What do you think?





"Really? Prince Harry?," you're thinking. "I don't know. What does he look like with his shirt off?" Well the Globe and Mail leave nothing to the imagination.

Through the Looking Glass

So Joy's home from the hospital and feeling much better (YAY!) and I've gained a whole new perspective on the hospital floor from the patient's perspective. First, getting meds after 11pm sucks. No one should be woken up at 3am to have antibiotics started. Second, having to wait for your nurse to arrive to unhook you from the IV so you can use the bathroom also sucks. I vow to try to answer those call bells faster if I can. Third, it's amazing the difference good staff makes. I was so impressed by the people at VHC - even the housekeeper was fantastic! And it was so organized. They hid most of the wires, monitors, and equipment behind counters and cupboards, but it was still easy for staff to get too. Definitely a left-brained hospital.

Finally, a picture of my nursing skills: I taped up Joy's IV so she could take a shower. Look how excited she is! If there's one thing I've learned in nursing it's the value of additional tape. And a stylin' hospital gown to make a girl feel pretty.